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Title: The Strangest Vampires Ever.
Author: [livejournal.com profile] ulyssesaloysius 
Summary: Twilight/IWtGH crossover. Rudy Miller and Mike Webster may just be the strangest vampires the Cullens have ever met. Very, very light Rudy/Mike. This is what happens when you read IWtGH just before watching a Twilight movie.
Rating: PG. There is probably far less disturbing material in this than in a Twilight movie.
Disclaimer: I do not own Rudy, Mike or Twilight.

“I don’t play baseball.” The dark-haired vampire examined his fingernails with an air of affected boredom. His companion, whose transformation into a vampire had surprisingly done nothing for his coordination, as evidenced by the fact that he’d already managed to trip over a log and fall face-first into a mud puddle, rolled his eyes fondly.

The Cullens were bemused. Surely all North American vampires loved nothing more than a pick up game of baseball when a good storm rolls in? Clearly, not Rudy Miller.

His companion, Mike Webster, also shook his head, “I... uhh... ruined half a small forest last time I played?” he offered. “We have to start a forest fire to conceal the damage.”

Rudy almost smiled fondly at Mike.

--

“I don’t hunt.”

Mike nodded. “Hunting’s beneath him. He says that too many vampires exhibit a complete lack of self-control and innovation. He prefers to build complicated devices to trap live game, and then eat it.”

Rudy nodded, “And Mike’s not allowed to hunt. Last time he did, he managed to turn a bear into a vampire,” he said with a barely noticeable hint of exasperated fondness in his voice.

“I didn’t mean to!” Mike attempted to defend himself. “I got distracted! So, now I help Rudy with his schemes, sometimes. Like, recently, we were hunting in the Grand Canyon. Rudy had this idea involving a raft, a guitar and a salete...”

The Cullens realised that this was probably the explanation for recent news stories regarding a baffling breach in the wall of the Grand Canyon Dam.

--

They were about to say goodbye to the strange vampires when the clouds broke and the sun came out. Immediately, the field was awash with the rainbows generated by a group of vampire sparkling in the sunlight.

“It’s probably best you wait until nightfall until you leave,” Carlisle said. “You do not want to meet humans in your condition. You may accompany us back to our house, if you wish.”

Then he stared. Mike was sparkling, all right. In fact, he was sparkling more than any vampire they’d ever seen. If vampire sparkles could be converted to electricity, then Mike was a renewable source of energy capable of powering several small towns. Rudy, on the other hand, was standing right in the middle of a sunbeam, sparkle-free.

When the Cullens expressed their surprise, Rudy merely raised an eyebrow at them.

“I don’t,” he said blandly, “sparkle.”
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